A Hope Lodge Weekend

Greeting from the AstraZeneca Hope Lodge in Boston! If your not familiar with the Hope Lodge, check out, http://www.cancer.org/docroot/subsite/hopelodge/MA_Boston/azc_index.asp. I am a weekend manager, which means about once a month I spend a weekend, from Friday at 5pm- Sunday at 5pm here! It's always a wonderful, yet emotional experience for me. This month marks my 1 year anniversary of working here, and it has been a growing expereince.

The Hope Lodge houses people going through treatment for cancer who are not from Boston, or the surrounding suburbs. We house patients and there families whom are traveling to Boston, many from very far away and would be spending 150+ a night if it were not for the FREE stay at the lodge. We have families here from 2-3 nights to 3 months. It truly is a beautiful thing, as the people who come stay are always so thankful and kind. (Of course there are some exceptions to the rule, and we do occasionally have people whom are not so grateful).


So in the past year my mentality about coming and working here has most definetly changed. In the beginning I think I felt closer to the suffering that I witness the weekend I am here. I could identify more with patients in the middle of chemo etc. But as I get farther away from treatment, it has become a different experience. I should also mention I am the only cancer survivor whom works at the Lodge, which makes it interesting! At the beginning I wouldn't share with guests my experience for fear of creating to much of a personal relationship, but I've realized me being candid about my health has offered a lot of inspiration and hope to guests here. As i've opened up about my cancer to guests here, it has also lent me to be more attached to the people. This has been tough on me and i'm working out how to make it not so tough..

I often times get overwhelmed when I leave on Sunday night. I attribute it to being stuck inside for 48 hours, having to put on a happy, smiling face - when sometimes i'd rather not. I always have a hard time sleeping the first night back home, and often times there a tears as I kind of have to let go of whatever I took in that weekend. For those of you who know me well, i've always been a very sensitive person. I would consider it one of my best qualities, because I always really feel for people, care for them etc. But I think I need to get a bit tougher of a shell, as i think about a career helping people in health crises, and hopefully getting a formal education in social work will help me. (more about that in my next blog)

I do have to share a special story from the Lodge however before I stop my blabbing. During my September weekend I met Pam. Pam had just arrived at the Lodge after being discharged from the hospital post- stem cell transplant. Her brother had been her donor, and the transplant was successful. Pam was staying at the Lodge with her mom, whom would be her lifeline- doing all of her cooking as post stem cell you cannot need anything that you do not make, because of the threat of bacteria. Pam is a middle aged woman from NYC, whom left behind her husband and teenage son to come to Boston for treatment. She is lovely, funny- kind and caring. We hit it off , realizing our diagnosis date was the same! Cancer rocked our world on the very same day..it's an interesting thing to ponder both of us shocked, our families, loved ones distraught the same day..

So we talked a lot her first weekend and I looked forward to seeing Pam and her mom Marilyn in October. When I arrived Halloween weekend Pam was one of the first faces I saw. She looked stronger, with more color and vitality than the month before. We again shared laughs and some good conversation. She turned me on to this ring that she and her mom had bought, I fell in love with it and bought one the next week to celebrate my 3 years since cancer rocked my world..
I left that weekend unsure if they would be around when I was back in December. Yesterday as I entered the Lodge I saw Pam, and I was so excited.."PAM! YAY! Your here!" And she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Sarah, my leukemia is back". Right there, in the kitchen of the Hope Lodge we both just lost our breath. I struggled to find the words.."Ok, ok, Pam I am so sorry- but we'll keep fighting. It's ok- your having more treatment?" Pam replied, "yes, yes there going to try crazy stuff."

Fuck cancer...