Melancholy

Have you heard "Hometown Glory" by Adele? I am in love. This song seems to get right to me, in my thoughts about my life thus far. I've always had those certain songs that just make me cry, and this is one of them. Along with Coldplay, "Clocks" and U2 "beautiful day". Usually it's because I associate a memory to the song, but with "Hometown Glory" its a different feeling. When I break up the lyrics it seems clear why i'm left in this state of melancholy.

"I’ve been walking in the same way as I did
Missing out the cracks in the pavement
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet
“Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I can call?”
“No and thank you, please Madam. I ain’t lost, just wandering”

When I was diagnosed with stage III Hodgkins Lymphoma it was November 8,2006. On November 9, 2006 I packed up my life in D.C. and moved home to Syracuse for treatment. It was a horrible thing to find out you have cancer one day and the next be completely turning your life upside down. In fact, I find it very hard to explain. I can remember standing in my bedroom in my off campus apartment with one of my dearest friends, Noel throwing all of my stuff in garbage bags. Thank god Noel was there to keep my mind off what we were actually doing. As I look back I don't even know how I was functioning. I didn't want to go home, leave my life in D.C. I love my home, my amazing friends and family, but Syracuse has always been a smothering environment for me. I felt when I had to drop out of college and move home for chemo that I was loosing what I had worked so hard to have for myself in Washington, my own life.

Anyways I tried my best to keep it together in the months following my return to Syracuse. And for the most part I would say I did so with dignity. However there were times where I need AIR and SPACE to cry and scream if I wanted to. So I spent those times aimlessly walking around my neighborhood..I really never had a destination or a goal in my walks other than I just need the AIR and SPACE to be by myself. I can remember cars slowing down as they drove by me, and I imagine I must have been quite the sight.

Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I’ve met
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world
Are the wonders of my world

This next chunk of the song represent my more real feelings about home. My best friends in the world were born and raised in Liverpool, NY. They along with my family were the most amazing people during my treatment and time at home. They always have been and always will be. Without Tiff driving home 2 1/2 from Geneseo for every one of my chemo's. Or Christina, Jess and Phallon to come over and watch Greys with me on Thursdays I would have been completely lost. With Courtney, Sarah and Val always checking on me to make sure I was ok. My mom, dad, Becca, Carlton and Nana were amazing caretakers. They are all truly the wonders of my world.

I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque
I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades
I like it in the city when two worlds collide
You get the people and the government
Everybody taking different sides

Shows that we ain’t gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united
Shows that we ain’t gonna take it
Shows that we ain’t gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united"

And now this chunk is totally my life outside of "home" Since I was about 9 I would say-- I knew I did not want to live in upstate NY forever. I just knew it wasn't for me. These lyrics totally encompass what I love about city living. .

Oh I love Adele!<3